First Comes ANGER, then Forgiveness

****This post was a way for me to vent and to show others it is ok to be mad but to move on from it too because God has great plans in store.****

Why? 

Why me?

Why us?

Those are the questions that I want the answers to from God. I have been so ANGRY the past few weeks. Yes, I have probably put on a good front--a smile goes a long way! I do not want anyone to think that I am not excited about our adoption journey because I am. I am thrilled beyond words BUT I still have that longing to carry a child, have little flutters, and all the fun (and not so fun) things that come along with being pregnant. I think what gets me the most is when my friends who are pregnant complain about things they are going thru with their pregnancy---there are SO many women who would give anything to trade places with you to feel what you are going thru (sorry friends if I offended you, just being honest). Another thorn in my side was that we have not received our letter of approval yet(we have verbal but the paper is the proof). We were told the home study would be submitted a week after the home visit but our worker had not seen it as of a week ago. Currently she is out of the office so we are on hold at least until next Monday with receiving any update.

Any how, Robert and I had a great discussion the other night were I told him how I was feeling. Guess what, he felt the same way! The funny thing is, we were discussing not going to church yesterday but for some reason I felt like we needed to be there. We went and guess what the sermon was about:

Forgive God

Yep, those two little words were the first two I read when I opened our bulletin. Boy, oh boy if that is not a sign from our Heavenly Father then I don't know what is. A few times during the sermon Pastor Artie would say that God wants us to know two things:

1) He loves Us
2) His intentions are good

Pastor Artie also said it is OK to be angry with God BUT do not sin (this becomes bitterness--Eph. 4:26).

One more thing.....we are to seek peace, not understanding (Ps. 34:14). The amazing thing is we do have peace and have had a peace about the entire adoption journey. I know that understanding of why God chose us will be revealed to me one day but for now I will revel in the peace of knowing that God loves us and has only good intentions.

So yesterday, we had a small slip of paper in our bulletins that we were to write what we forgave God for. I went down front and nailed my anger to the cross. I forgave God for infertility. 

Each day is a new day with new challenges. Some are good and some are bad but I cling to the promise that "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. 

We do have tough days but just know that we are excited and cannot wait to expand our family.
 

Keep praying with us....

Jill