Are you Ok?

Are you OK or how are you feeling are two questions our loving and supportive friends have asked me over the past few days...well the answer is NO, I am not but one day I will get there. I am sad, happy, mad, hopeful, and any other emotion you can think of at the moment. I do not know what the future will hold in reference to expanding our family and that scares me to death.

It will get better....one day.

Food for Thought

Just in case you are interested, here is an article about foster home placement disruptions and the reasoning are spot on---

Why Do Foster Care Disruptions Occur?

Being Transparent--is it worth it?

Over the past twenty four hours I have been thinking about everything we have been through the past ten months. We have given the world a glimpse of what it is like to go through the adoption process---from trainings, paperwork, inspections, waiting, visits with children, and then heart break from a placement not working out (note: our most recent placement was a foster to adopt placement and we were given this option due to the children being labeled as a "difficult placement". we were not at the adoption point yet as we were trying to determine if we, as parents, were a fit for the children--in hindsight, more visits should have taken place prior to placement to determine if the fit was a good one or not--LESSON LEARNED!).

Has it really been worth it to share this with everyone?

YES!

Every moment has been worth it because we know that somehow God is using what we have been through and what we are continuing to go through to minister to others.

I fully believe that God will not give you a desire if He is not going to fulfill it. Our God is loving, kind, gracious, and compassionate. He teaches us lessons by allowing us to go through experiences that test us and will bring us to rock bottom--maybe b/c we need to look up more!!! 

We are looking to HIM now for more guidance than ever as the next steps need to be decided upon. We are faced with the decision to either keep our home licensed as a Foster Home or to close our license and remain open only for adoption. I am battling with this b/c I know that foster placements can ultimately lead to adoption but not in all cases as the reason for Foster Homes is for a temporary home while parents work on bettering themselves and improving the home for reunification. We will be making this decision in the coming days and we ask that you join us in praying to make the right decision. 

What have we learned over the past few weeks...

(1) We want a family 

(2) We need to be more informed and ask LOTS of questions about children presented to us--we now know what questions to ask!!!

(3) Baggage is not just what you take on trips

(4) Family and Friends are treasurers 

(5) a child should never physically assault an adult and think it is OK

(6) all children deserve to be loved

(7) Never give up, learn from your mistakes and use that experience for the future

Earlier today I ranted on Facebook b/c I was hurt(and still am) by people making rude and unfiltered comments. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion but until you know EVERYTHING that we have been through then we ask you to keep your comments to yourself or better yet do not even utter the comments. We have not shared with everyone what we(and family members) have been through with the children because most does not need to be shared.

As we continue our journey, we will share everything we go through--the good and the bad. We want others to ask us questions and we will ask too. Every moment is a learning experience.

Romans 8:18 "The pain you have been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming."

Frustration and Fun

We have full placement in effect!!! Our kiddos have been here since last Wednesday and boy oh boy has it been a HUGE change of pace for Robert and I. We have had attitudes, sass, talking back, rolling eyes, tantrums, stomping, slamming doors, yelling in the house, and more---you name it, we have been through it!!!

Thursday was a bad day for me. The plan was to unpack all their stuff and get things situated then go to the water-park--the last part was to be a surprise. Well, it all fell apart within and hour of Robert leaving for work. No one wanted to put their clothes up and decided to have fits. So needless to say, this mama broke down into tears and had to take a moment. My mom called to check in with us and she heard how upset I was in my voice so she dropped everything and came to my rescue---THANK GOD FOR MY MOMMY!!! Once the kids saw how upset I was they started doing what was asked of them. Within the hour my mom was here and she helped me finish the clothes. Once we did that then it was off to Orangeburg to pick up paperwork from the pediatricians office. We then headed to Lugoff with kids in tow so mom could get some clothes and stay the night with us to help me with things on Friday. The kids met Roddy and he definitely let them know who is boss with mama b/c he barked and barked at them. I sure do miss that little one--he is my boy!! So I guess you can figure out by now that the water-park was a no go for today. My mom old me that today was a frustrating day for all of us b/c I was probably expecting too much out of them to help with clothes and then I became overwhelmed with the amount of items and the fact that they wouldn't help---I just need to take a deep breath and realize everything will not be perfect in two days!!

Friday was MUCH better. We had a full day planned but they handled it well. All three were scheduled for an eye appt and two need glasses--Miss Priss informed me that she has perfect vision and that she did. All three had their eyes dilated so we opted to get some cooler sunglasses at WalMart instead of the paper ones from the doctor. We also got new ear plugs because I learned today that technology is my friend and the tablets we have were lifesavers!! All three are using mine, Roberts and my moms tablets right now until they get their own---thank you case worker for buying the three of them new tablets(they will be here soon we hope!!!). While we completed errands on Friday they played games, watched videos, etc.--still need to work on the types of videos they watch(more on this later). After the appt, eating at Ryans, and finalizing school registration the three got new school haircuts. They look so cute! Again, today was a good day!

Saturday is the day everyone was looking forward too. It is CHUCK E CHEESE day!!! We did not really have a plan in place for the day but we knew that each kiddo would pick out a new school outfit, of course Chuck E Cheese and then grocery shopping. We went to Target for the new outfits and I have to say the outfits were put together pretty quickly. After Target, we headed to Chuck E Cheese. The kids play for THREE HOURS non stop and had a blast. They would get several tokens at a time and then come back to the table to get more. This was our check in system b/c there is no way two adults can run after three children in that building. Robert and I enjoyed watching the kids and the smiles were worth every penny. We ventured to Publix for groceries and Miss Priss was my helper. She helped "drive" the cart--let's just say I basically was training for "SuperMarket Sweep". After the trip to Columbia was over we had a family devotion about "Respect". Each child was asked to name one rule in the house they are having trouble with and here is what we were told:

Oldest--Slamming Doors
Middle-- Following All Rules and Early Bed Time
Youngest--Stop Pouting

We prayed that each child would try their best to work on the rule that is giving them trouble. Thank you Cornerstone for the nightly kid devotions you give at church on Sundays--they are spot on for our crew!!!

Today (Sunday), we went to church and several of our friends were able to meet our crew. They have made "new" friends and we hope they will continue to make more who will be great influences on them. So I mentioned earlier about we are a little(ok, a lot) concerned about the types of things they have been allowed to watch or been around at former placements. We have learned from the kids today about wine, beer, slavery, sex--yes, even though I am certain they do not realize what they are saying, and more. WOW is all I could say to myself as I was hearing things come out of their mouths. We try to explain that things are inappropriate but they do not understand so we will just try out best to be good role models and have them around people who are good role models too.

School starts tomorrow so we are getting ready for bath time....pray for our kiddos as they start this new adventure this week.

Also some others things we are working on with them:
--proper use of the English language (I am still working on this one too b/c I am sure there are plenty of typo's in my blogs!!)
--manners
--appropriate song choices/artists

 Keep praying for us as Robert and I have a lot to learn too. I most importantly need to remember they are not perfect kids and there is no such thing as perfect any how!! Rome was not built in a day and my kids personalities have already been molded by others so we just need to give it time and apply some tender heat and pressure to help guide them along and mold them into the best they can be.

<3 br="">

Unsupervised Weekend Visit

Top Ten Things We Learned During Our Unsupervised Weekend Visit

10- SUGAR is our NEMESIS
9- Boys need to work on their aim
8- Macaroni and Cheese is food group
7- Single Serving Shampoo bottles exist
6- Co-op > 1 v 1
5- there is a such thing as the news?
4- bath tubs are cheaper than swimming pools
3- kids love church
2- grandparents are good for one thing...spoiling! 
1- our lives will never be boring

This weekend was a whirlwind! Friday came and the kiddos were full of energy and sugar...thanks to the candy jar I left out-oops! We did end up getting everyone bathed and in bed by 10:30 pm. Today was a crazy and trying day.

Saturday, our parents came over for a cookout. The kiddos were super good while they had visitors and enjoyed playing. They were given a few gifts and wanted more....but who doesn't love presents?!?! My mom told me my little girl is just like me and yes, I do see myself in her which means we are in trouble! After grandparents left, video games were played and then a movie was watched before bedtime. 

Sunday, we attended church and the kids really enjoyed it. They learned about respect which is something we are working on at home too. We started a rewards points system so they can see that good behavior is something to be rewarded (Negative behavior also has consequences and points are deducted). After church we ate lunch and then went to the park to play. Two hours of good wholesome fun was had by all. After playing we came home and got ready for bath time and then bedtime.  

Monday, our kiddos headed back to their current placement but only for two nights. Wednesday begins our placement and we covet your prayers for adjustment and schedules to fall in place.

We will keep you posted on how things are going as often as we can....

Pizza and Painting

On Friday, August 1, the kiddos came to see their new home for the first time. First thing the oldest said was "it took us over an hour to get here!". We exchanged hugs and showed the kiddos the new basketball goal they have--thank you again to the Douglas', Peake's and Stockman's for the amazing gift, they loved it!! After throwing a few hoops we all went inside and the kids wanted to see their rooms but first they saw all the pictures we had up around the house of them from our first two visits. Down the hall they went and the huge SMILES said it all once they were in their rooms and we were thrilled that they approved. Thanks to their awesome grandparents, we had school supplies for each one, book bags, and lunch boxes on the beds along with a toy and soccer ball for each. After exploring the house we took their toys into the living room and opened them up---the toys were a type of lego/building blocks that light up. As we were building the case workers(foster care worker and the adoption worker) were observing and writing on their tablets; this part is the worst because you are being "judged" on how you act and react to situations. Oh well, we know this is part of the process but it is not the fun part.

We made pizzas for our lunch and it was so neat to watch the three kiddos make their own. The oldest was very cute and made a pepperoni smiley face on his, the middle was very meticulous about putting his sauce on all the way to the edges and the youngest just wanted to eat the pepperoni instead of putting it on her pizza. Once we cooked the pizzas we all (and our adoption worker--she is like a member of the family now!) sat at the table. We held hands and the oldest said the blessing. While eating the kids couldn't keep their booties in the chairs. They are up and down, up and down, up and down---I joked with them that we are going to install seat-belts so they will sit on their bottoms.  The rule is no one can leave the table until everyone is finished. I was eating and the oldest wanted to go outside so bad. I said once we finish then we can go out. I slowly ate my last piece and he said "mom, come on!!". The kiddos went outside with Rob and I cleaned up inside. There was a moment of arguing with the boys so we have some drama but nothing this "mama" couldn't handle. All was well after a few minutes of talking and we quickly learned that locks on bedroom doors are coming off.

The whole family ended up in the master bedroom with the computer, tablets, and cell phones. The oldest showed me a new website he likes called razkids.com to help with his reading skills. Apparently you must we a teacher to get a subscription. So if any of our friends/family have one please let us know so we can give your our kids names to add them on so they can use this great tool!! The oldest played on the computer with some help from Robert, the middle sat with me on the bed and we read a book together. We quickly learned a visit to the eye doctor is in our future! The youngest loves to play candy crush so she went to get my phone but the worker told her it was time to do. She also loves to sing and started singing "take me to the King". I had asked her at our first visit if she knew who the king was and she said yes, I said well who and she responded Jesus. So our babies have been to church before or they have been taught about our Lord--YAY!!

We talked about the next weekend and how they would be coming for the whole weekend and it would be unsupervised. The oldest wrote us a note and it is below.....

 

This was the sweetest note and of course it is posted on the fridge. We walked everyone out and said our goodbyes. Lots of hugs and kisses being blown once inside the van. The oldest yelled out the door and said to "pray for us". He also made a heart out of his hands....melt my heart! 

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On Saturday, my parents came to the house to help with painting and installing two fans. It was a  long ( hot, right mom?) but fun day updating their rooms. My mother-in-law brought us lunch from Chick-fil-a and she made dessert--awesome!!! 

Our family rocks!!